Mommy confessions!

I saw Jewel on a daily talk show recently.  She apparently has a 15 month old little girl.  She has always been a favorite of mine.   She explained how she was a controlling mother.   In her first year of parenting. She was so caught up in trying to be perfect, she missed out on some fun times with her daughter.

I always thought that I would never be this type of mother.  I was terribly mistaken.  I am trying not to miss out on the good times, and I feel I am doing a pretty good job of that.  Although, I can relate a lot to what Jewel is saying.  I am worried about everything from the ingredients in baby food, to having too much wine, or making sure we make it to church.  I get concerned about letting Liam see his mom get frustrated.  I also project about what could happen in the future.    I am concerned about how I am going to explain certain situations to Liam.  I wonder what day care he will attend, and will they call me every hour with a problem. Would he be better off at home with me, or is day care really what he needs?  I wonder if I feed him enough, and is he getting enough rest.   The list could go on and on.  

I think this is normal.  The truth is I did not think I would change that much.  I thought would be the quote "cool mom" that would still find time to party on the weekends.   I have little to no interest in that anymore.  I just don't want to get so caught up in trying to make sure that everything is perfect, or close to it. I want to find time to unwind, and tell myself being a parent is not about being perfect for your child.  I want to remember to rely on my intuition, and not on every parenting resource out there.   I just want to relax, and enjoy this, because he is going to grow up fast.  I want to remember that he is my first, but he very well could be my last.